PAIN AND FRUSTRATION - IT'S ALL ENERGY

 
For a long time I have struggled with these feelings of pain and limitation. "Why me? It's possible for other people but not for me."  Ashtanga primary series initially came easy to me and I saw myself progress through poses while others struggled.  I thought it would be all upwards and onwards.  I had a shallow understanding of yoga and I wasn't feeling my body at all-just twisting and contorting to achieve various acrobatic feats.  Who knows what I was doing, what I was trying to achieve or who I was trying to impress.  This continued until the pain poked so hard and so incessantly that I couldn't ignore it anymore. 
I have had many ups and downs in my practice. I have had times of dedication (when I have a teacher) and more difficult times (without a teacher to guide me).  The psychological and spiritual benefits of the practice have always been evident to me but physical pain has stopped me in my tracks many times.  "Why does this hurt? What am I doing wrong?"
Lots of voices have come up in this time of doubting and questioning: perhaps I am not made for this practice, maybe my body is limited and I should accept that. Now I'm not saying that we should push on and ignore the apparent physical limitations of the moment but I think my attitude has revealed in me a pervading thought pattern.
Defeat; self pity; frustration - all of these sentiments come together to block vital energy.  So, it's not the real  situation of pain and limitation that is the problem but rather the attitude towards it.  The limitation of the moment is one thing, the defeatist voice that says "You are limited." is quite another.  
Since I have begun teaching, I've felt a greater responsibility to respect and understand my own body. In the past couple of years I've dedicated my practice to listening to the pain messengers.  It has been a humbling experience and one of great growth in terms of body awareness.  I do however recognise that I have much ground to cover on the psychological plain.  
Self pity takes over, frustration takes over and I don't allow the practice to flow without the voices coming in and passing their judgement.  
I've come to the conclusion in all this that it's all energy. Frustration blocks that energy.  Let go and let what is flow through you.   Don't let yourself be limited by notions of not being (insert word here) enough. The practice is always changing, everything is always moving. Don't get caught up in notions of stagnation. We are in a constant state of flux.